Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Steve Shitshifter

I asked Steve Shitshifter, one of the council's litter pickers what his opinions of Bostonians were.

"To put it mildly", he said "they're a load of dirty filthy bastards, and if you saw the disgusting stuff that they drop in the streets that I have to pick up you'd think so too. Just get your sniffing gear round my bin bag, that's the real smell of Boston that is. Why just this morning I've picked up used condoms, syringes, dogshit,  a dead cat,
two push bikes, a traffic cone, a television set, 3 odd shoes, tin cans, glass bottles, a lump of wood, crisp packets, a dead dog, cigarette ends, food cartons, chewing gum, a dead hedgehog, sweet wrappers, half a kebab, several newspapers and a tin of lighter fluid. People just throw their rubbish anywhere, yes, you know who you are don't you? Well who do you think cleans it up eh? The bleeding litter fairy!! No, it's me that does it, me". Just then two teenage lads walked by and one of them flicked his cigarette end into Steve's black bin liner, this ignited the lighter fluid and Steve burst into flames. He suffered third degree burns and was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance and the last thing I heard was him screaming "See, I fucking told you didn't I?"

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