Friday, April 6, 2012

Reverend Jeremy Givusaquid

I was told that a new religious order had been set up in Boston and went to interview their leader the Reverend Jeremy Givusaquid.

"Good morning my son", he began "yes I have formed a new religious group and I came to your lovely town of Boston because I heard that the people around here are a bit short of brain cells and will believe anything I tell them. My religion is different from all the others, I don't believe in any of the old religious views.Take the Catholics, Mary worshipping jackasses, they're just paedophile rapists, then there's Judaism we can't take them serious when they believe it's bad to eat pork but good to mutilate an infant's penis, I mean if god did not want the penis to have a foreskin, then why did he create it to begin with? Islam is the most hilarious made-up religion Satan ever boiled up in the Lake of Fire and it's followers are just a load of hell bound nin-com-poops. Then there's Christianity, let's just say that the belief that God is both the father and son of a certain woman sounds quite ridiculous to me, Rastafarians smoke ganja so they have a bit of fun which is more than you can say for the Jehova's witnesses who dont celebrate christmas, birthdays, easter or other holidays, bloody hell, what fun is there in that? But there's no doom and gloom in my religion and I like to think it has a sense of humour, I mean Why couldn't they play cards on the Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck. See I told you we could be funny. Anyway, to be serious again, I basically believe there is something out there watching over us, unfortunately, it's the government and the police, that's why this time next year I'll be long gone from Boston with my ill gotten gains so whether you're ex Buddhists, Catholics, Islamists, Quakers, Mormons, Baptists, Hindus, Jehova's witnesses, Christians, Amish, Hare krishnas, Lutherians, Unitarians, Sikhs or anything else, all I ask is that you deposit £20 per week into my bank account to cover costs and you will be guaranteed to be accepted into the kingdom of the lord. By the way, if you've had an accident at work that wasn't your fault ring 0120567584567 and I may be able to help. I also buy second hand books.

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