The real Boston crimes are sometimes quite funny, I was called to Asda's one time and found a man unconscious and bleeding heavily in the bread and biscuits aisle, I asked the assembled crowd what had happened and a bloke from Fenside stood forward to say that he had seen a guy off Crimewatch who was wanted for several rapes and that he tackled him to the ground and punched him unconscious. He wouldn't believe me when I told him that they use actors on the show. Talking of Fenside, we had to cordon off part of the estate last week after sightings of an unidentified, never seen before, circular object. Turns out it was a tax disc. Another woman from down Woad Farm ran into the police station once while I was on desk duty shouting, "Grape! Grape!" I said to her, "Don't you mean rape, madam?" The woman says, "No, there were a bunch of them!"
Years ago when criminals got caught they would say, "Fair cop mate" and accept their punishment but it's not like that now, they'll use any excuse to get away with their crimes, just last week a man was in court charged with selling phoney anti-ageing drugs. The judge says to him, "Have you been charged with this crime before?" And the man replies, "Yes, once: in 1846."
But we don't always catch them, a bloke broke into and robbed Oldrid's Downtown Store last week, we nearly caught him, we had all the exits covered, but sadly he escaped through the entrance.
But with your help we can beat crime, especially terrorist crime.We are asking people to be on the lookout for Muslim suicide bombers who are set to launch a wave of terror with the new 'Alphabet Bomb' and if one of those goes off, believe me, it could spell disaster.
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